Mid Winter Celebrations

Solstice Morning Sky

I hope you all had a Wonderful Solstice, Yule or Christmas, however and whenever you celebrated. 

I think it's fair to say we've given it a pretty good go by fitting as much in as possible so far! After my usual grounding, I decorated my altar with holly and mistletoe and lit many candles to welcome the returning light, I celebrated Solstice morning on the 22nd by standing in my garden at the outdoor altar staring up at wild dark and cloudy sky, whilst the wind whipped my hair around my head and howled it's greeting, no amazing sunrises here for us but it still felt important to mark it and witness the turning point in the wheel. I did try to shield a candle - the tea light I had been given at the Solstice Ceremony last weekend to light over the solstice, but the swirling skies and heaving trees appeared to conspire to deny my request for light. Undeterred I asked Goddess for Solstice blessings for me and mine and definitely felt that the winds were blowing away the old and making way for the new and making way for a time of contemplation as we move through the darkness of the winter and begin to look for the lightening days of the spring at Imbolc.
I didn't manage to see the sunset as work took over

Solstice Supper

but where I was it would have been difficult to see anyway behind the clouds and drizzle! Before we sat down for our Solstice Supper which was bubbling away in the slow cooker, I delivered some presents to some friends grandchildren - plates with a space for Rudolph's carrot and a mince pie for Santa etc as a solstice gift from me and early Christmas Present for them, which seemed to me to tie in beautifully with the sentiments of the day, of blessings and of looking to the future and merging traditions and  customs of old and new beliefs. I seem to have read a lot about this recently online, I touched on it last week when I said that unfortunately I'd come across some Christian bashing on Pagan sites and this week there have been some arguments about what a true druid, follower of the Avalonian tradition, witch, wiccan or Heathen should believe in, when and how they should celebrate etc...I took myself off those sites and pages  pretty quickly - believe me! Hence my tactful heading this week - Mid WinterCelebrations! I wonder if these people would actually argue about this face to face about this or whether they are just brave behind their keyboard?

Solstice Altar

Anyway as my house and family are a melting pot of many tolerant beliefs and religions and recent articles that I have read suggest that Yule and Solstice were celebrated for more than a few days, I have also embraced the the celebration of Modraniht in my own way and my ancestral mothers have never been far from my thoughts over the last week. This continued connection to them has made them seem so close to me and whilst I haven't seen any spirits I have felt a strong and wonderful energy around me and my altar, where I have spoken their names to Ker and honoured them and their memories.  To celebrate at Solstice we had our fabulous 'Solstice Supper' -  Yule Chicken and Mid Winter Cheesecake....well ok Chicken casserole and vanilla cheesecake but I taken the time to lovingly prepare it and asked Goddess to help me when I made it, speaking my intentions to celebrate the solstice with my family as well as asking the hands of the ancient mothers to guide me and bless me whilst I cook, I swear it always tastes better and has more compliments when I do this! Ker must walk with me from the fields to the kitchens. With my lovely daughter I decorated the table with white and silver and lit lots of candles, before we sat down to eat, talked about Yule, Solstice and Christmas beliefs and traditions, before making merry with a few glasses of cava and just about qualifying as being musical by playing a name that tune game involving kazoos!

The Returning Sun

The following morning, after the longest night of the year, we were blessed with a spectacularly bright sunrise, a sure reminder that the light is returning to the land, even if only by a few minutes each day, leaving me ready to celebrate the Christmas period full of joy and hope with my loved ones ...and celebrate we did! I have been blessed with 3 days of celebrating with our families at our house, at my parents, back here again - days full of laughter, games, memories old and new, joy, presents, food and drink as well as a few  tears for those who couldn't be with us this year, but comforted by love, surrounded by family and I'd like to think we were in the company of a few spirits that weren't found in bottles!
So now some quieter time for some withdrawal and contemplation, whilst one of my cats snores gently and rhythmically behind me - plans for the future and a chance to reassess and redirect my focus on life, where I hope to visit and go this year, plans for holidays, the allotment, birthdays, study, written and  craft projects - you name it, are all whirling round my head, thoughts growing and taking shape and ideas nudging at the edge of my conciousness! With all this contemplative energy, reviewing my year, assimilating what's happened, evaluating it, learning from it and looking forward - it's easy to see where the custom of new year resolutions originated from.

I hope you've had a Wonderful and Blessed Yule 

and find Joy in the Returning Light

Blessed Be x x 

Solstice Blessings

Holly Candle Decoration
from my Gleanings Last Week

Well we're nearly here, Winter Solstice, Saturnalia, Yule or Christmas - the festive season whatever you choose to call it! 
So many people celebrate in such different ways and even on different dates. By my reckoning, the shortest day this year by 1 whole minute  will be on 22nd and the longest night will the night of the 22nd/23rd so that's when we'll be doing some of our celebrating.
I duly wrestled with the holly I had been given also found a few stray pine cones that had been part of an old bag of festive pot pourri but now just smelt of the loft (what is that smell?!) so they were treated to a quick dusting of silver spray and added just enough detail to the holly - I'm very pleased with the result. 

I was inspired by the article I shared on my Walking with my Goddess facebook page last week about Modraniht - translated roughly as Mother's Night this ancient Germanic festival that was lost after the widespread of Christianity, it is said to have celebrated motherhood, probably the female ancestors and it is

Handmade Hampers

suggested it went on for more than a few days encompassing the Yule period, this sounds like a perfect a celebration of Goddess! I've just found and added the second part to the facebook page....
Whilst brought up in a Christian household, I have to say I did always think that Christmas seemed to be unfairly all about Jesus, not much mention of the poor woman who gave birth in  stable, just a hint of my future path there then... anyway I'm not Christian bashing which sadly seems to be popular in some Pagan circles - not any of mine I'm glad to say. In light of this, every day I have made sure to thank my Goddess, my female ancestors and to remember them when I light the candle in the wreath decoration I made, especially as I found out that the holly and mistletoe berries only come from the female plants.  Still in a creative mood I managed to finish off the presents that I was making, so now two very special people have their presents complete at last! No spoilers as I know at least one of them will read this, maybe not tonight as she's on her work's Christmas do, but lets just say some of it is home grown! 

View Across the
 Medway Valley

Yesterday I joined The Kent Gorsedd a Druid based  Bardic group for a Winter Solstice ceremony at  the Coldrum Stones an ancient long barrow about 8 miles from my house. With stunning views like this you can understand why the ancient folk that lived here buried their dead in this remote place to rest for eternity - if that is what they thought? It's also a beautiful place to sit and think, so to me at least would have been  wonderful place for them to sit and connect with their ancestors.This is the land of my Mothers and Grandmothers and all the ancient Mothers that went before. I arrived early and was lucky enough to have the

Our Local Clootie or Wishing Tree

stones to myself for a while - this gave me a chance to thank Goddess for all my blessings and to ask for a few cheeky extra blessings for me and mine over the Solstice period ....one being a car that actually works! I clearly wasn't the only one as the local Clootie tree was adorned with streamers of ribbon and rags. Part of me thinks it's beautiful and part of me thinks it's littering, at least fabric will rot and go back into the earth but there are streamers of plastic bags too, gaily waving in the wind that sadly will not. 

Entrance Stones

After meditating for a while, I was concious of a drum beat and found that a fellow seeker was preparing the stones for  the ceremony and that the procession was making it's way through the fields. After everyone gave an offering to the earth - food, drink, leaves, berries the procession came to the top of the barrow, called in the quarters and elements and we sang Pagan carols then snipped Mistletoe from a bough despite being harried by the 'dark circle' pulling at our clothing and pushing hats off! After a lot of mirth we heard poems and sang some more carols before all partaking in a celebratory  sip of mead! Again the mix was extremely eclectic: druids, witches, wiccans and other paths and it is so beautiful to see so many paths come together to share the Sabbat - I had a lovely and interesting conversation with a lady about Goddess and my beliefs and her path with earth spirits, if only the whole world could share moments like that.
So as all cycles turn, here we are back to the beginning of this post - Solstice - time to welcome the light back, time to think about what has been, to think on of our ancestors and time to hope about what will be as the sun returns and Goddess brings life back to the land. 
This beautiful log I found on the path to the stones ages to about 40 years old not much different to me, the fungi growing on it was white and blue, forming a curious pattern that put me in mind of snowflakes and also the suns rays as it returns to our land lengthens days and warms the earth.

So How will I celebrate Solstice? A family meal on Tuesday after watching the sun rise and set on the shortest day, then burning our Yule log and offering thanks for all the beauty and love in my life, observing the dawn after the longest night and the celebrating a traditional Christmas with my wonderful family and hopefully seeing a fair few of my lovely friends, I don't think Goddess will be exacting about which day I celebrate - the Wise Woman will be revered and loved every day, candles will be lit, prayers will be said, carols will be sung, families will meet and have fun, ancestors will be remembered with love.

Wishing You All A Blessed, Happy and Wondrous Yule  x x 

Festive Cheer....

Just Some of the Cakes...

Well after a few weeks of frantic work activity preceding an audit, diploma drama and car troubles - just don't ask - I've had a beautiful and festive week!

First off, we had two Christmas charity coffee mornings at work which had both teams and all the service users (the PC term for our clients!) working very hard to raise money for a local charity and Shelter - raising over £215 between them - so many gorgeous home made cakes as well as pickle, lavender bags and tree decorations made by our groups as well as some chutney from yours truly - so very proud of them all! Interestingly both were held in church halls and we had a high percentage of local lovely parishioners support 

Pride of Place in
the Local Church....

us, many of them elderly ladies so there was a really high level of Crone energy flowing round all be it in a different guise! Some Crone wisdom and clarity here led me to ponder positively about the inherent spirituality that is within us, however we choose to praise or worship and just reminded me that old traditions and beliefs were overlapped and amalgamated by Christianity, all but written out by it,

but gossamer threads of ancient  practice and knowledge managed to quietly lace its way through history,  hidden and protected  and Goddess has survived and Her path walking openly besides others again..... bearing in mind that this is the church that still proudly sports four 600 year old Pagan wooden carved roof bosses of the Green Man on the doors to it's bell tower that I wrote about in April's 'Connections'  I don't suppose these lovely ladies would be too phased by my Goddess or general Paganism!

How many rucksacks can
you fit in Dave's van? 80!

This Friday and Saturday I was lucky enough to be involved in the 3rd Maidstone Rucksack Project  that myself and my lovely friend Sarah have organised and run to collect rucksacks full of useful items for local homeless and vulnerably housed people in Maidstone and then arrange to distribute them to local charities, churches, shelters and soup runs to make sure we reach all those that need help in a small way through the winter period. Yet again we were completely bowled over by the generosity of pockets, time and spirit of the local community - people gave so very generously despite many having to scrimp and save themselves.... We collected an amazing 80 rucksacks stuffed full with essential items such as fleeces, underwear, socks gloves, hats, scarves and toiletries and some treats - chocolate,sweets, books

Hand Knitted Gloves,
Mittens and Hats.....

etc as well as about a dozen black sacks of coats, clothes, shoes and additional toiletries and treats. People's kindness never fails to amaze me - as well as the people who willingly give up their time to sort it all through and organise the donations or to take a couple of hours out of their day to drive round and drop  it off! Lots of festive love for the whole community roaming around the town over the last 48 hours .....
So lovely to see when we are living in such testing times and there is so much bad news, acts of pure love and selflessness.
This compassion doesn't appear to sit easily with the traditional Crone energies at a first glance - for me at least, She speaks of clarity and wisdom, death and change, but a closer look and deeper thought revealed a softer side of the wise beloved Grandmother, someone who is a survivor after reaching  her later years, She will have faced heartbreak, loss, grief as well as love, hope and kindness which could equally become compassion particularly as we enter the festive period and Yule where the light begins to return to the land. The Crone also represents regeneration, rebirth  and transformation - all of which lends itself to the energies we were surrounded with during the collection and distribution for those who have so little this weekend - the energies of a benevolent Grandmother as opposed to the evil hag of myth, folklore and literature.

Yule Tree

So today full of festive spirit, well with minimal bickering about who put the tinsel in the wring place or just where the screwdriver was that had vanished into thin air we out up our Christmas tree - this year decorated in white and silver so that it can be a Solstice Tree too! Dubbed the Yule Tree it is decorated in icicles, snowflakes, pine cones, stars and hearts to represent our family and our celebrations - which will be a Yule Meal at Solstice as well as Christmas Dinner - what's not to like?! It's also the first year that myself and Mark have decorated it without the 'children' helping which felt a little odd to start with, but a least I won't be secretly re-jigging it when they have gone to bed for once - surely I'm not the only one? I have to admit it was lovely though to decorate it myself - (I'd relegated Mark to outside lights by then) and to enjoy the silence and clarity of what I was doing, thinking about the Solstice and

Candle Wreath

the turning wheel, it will turn round again and doubtless in years to come there will be more little hands to help me, there's that Crone energy again - never very far away! I've noticed I've really quite unconsciously embraced the theme of the lights returning at Solstice this year with a multitude of white lights around the house along with simple colours and natural decorations such as this candle wreath - I'd love to tell you I made it myself but I have yet to wrestle with some holly, a candle and a chunk of oasis to create that masterpiece yet! 
The eagle eyed among you will notice a spectacularly early post tonight, due to the fact that to finish off my weekend we are heading into town for our December Moot with Maidstone Pagans that I have become increasingly  more involved in - hopefully some faces old and new tonight! 

Have  Blessed and Light Filled Week x x 

Ancient Wisdom and Woodlands

Treats for the Cats!

Wow, what a weekend! I don't think I've stopped since I got up yesterday morning, but all in a good way! In fact it seems to have been like that all week - both at work and at home! Spurred on by my new found faith in my creative ideas and buoyed up with wild and windy Crone energy buffeting us at the moment, I started with finishing mini Santa Sacks for the cats (yes really!) for their cat mint mice I made earlier in the year using cat mint from our allotment, along with their Christmas dinner treat of luxury cat food and chewy sticks! So, officially a crazy cat lady, I moved on to some presents for humans...Deciding to do the same as when I try a new recipe for food, I grounded and called Goddess in before I started, particularly asking for wisdom and intuition then blended and mixed some bath time 'teas' for presents, first using an existing recipe from my lovely 'gifts from the garden' book I was given for my birthday back in April (a mere 35 posts ago - when I started this year long blog) and then getting braver mixing a blend that I thought would work and they smelt, well pretty luscious to be honest, even if I do say so myself! 
It felt like that Crone energy was working with me, some instinct was kicking in and some ancient wisdom was waking up deep within me and a familiar voice was saying 'oooh, try mint with the lemon verbena, what about a bit of rosemary?' as I looked at my collection of dried herbs and plants hanging on my dresser, some home grown  

Bath time 'Teas'
-  Bedtime Blend and Refresh

and some, like the rosemary, bargain hunted in the local supermarket late at night costing just 10p as it was going out of date and hung up to dry.  
I have to say that as I sat at the sewing machine, foot hard down on the pedal, happily humming away to myself and hammering my through making these muslin 'tea bags', I felt a curious mixture of satisfaction, pride and also sadness that these skills our grandmothers wouldn't have thought twice about using daily, were shed so easily in our bid for equality, to distance ourselves from our ancient and more recent mothers. That's not in anyway meant to denigrate the efforts and hard earned achievements of the hundreds of thousands of women who campaigned for equality and universal suffrage, and the women who have carried on the fight to this present day, far from it, I am incredibly grateful that they did, for what they fought to achieve, I really and truly am, but I just feel the loss of joy, pride and skill of 'homely' crafts is such a shame. On the flip side, I suppose our strength and sense of empowerment that they fought for means that we can chose to retake control, and elect to relearn and employ these skills because we want to and reclaim our creative joy and skills, not because we are told that's what we'll do! 
I deliberated about leaving that last paragraph in, but after a break, a glass of wine and some musing, I decided to, I know I'm mainly interested in the feminine divine, but further thinking suggests to me at least, that it could apply to men and their long forgotten traditional skills too - so as long as people are free to enjoy ANY creative skill, irrespective of their gender, we should gleefully reclaim them all!

Male Ivy Plant Flower

Anyway, apart from all that musing, I've been immersing myself in plenty of seasonal celebrations and moots this weekend. A visit to a spiritual and holistic fayre organised and run by some lovely members of the local Pagan group that I have just recently taken over the admin and running of - that in itself is quite a mission! I've been applying Crone logic, quite literally - bin what isn't working, start afresh and be creative! First new moot is next Sunday, I'll let you know how it goes! That was followed by just the three parties yesterday, with a surprisingly restrained earlyish home time and early start today.

The Young and The Old

I headed off to Bromley this morning for a moot with other like minded people, up until now only known through the powers of facebook. Slightly anxious, I have to admit, I nearly ended up beetling off with the local re-enactment group, but the timely arrival of a member of the right group and his distinctive dreadlocks meant that I actually found the intended group and a very warm welcome and was saved from re-enacting some Saxon and Viking fight that I might have enjoyed but would have undoubtedly confused me no end and I was worrying about the amount of weapons they were carrying and my lack of matching attire! After some interesting discussions and exchanges of ideas we headed off for a fabulous walk and talk about sacred trees for a couple of hours in local ancient woodland, yep more trees - sorry! I was very much taken with this sprouting Oak, which was an estimated 600 years old but had new shoots of a few years growing from the base - an ancient grandmother and granddaughter

Woodpecker Hole

maybe? One of the group members gave an interesting and comprehensive talk throughout - who knew that oak bark is the only one to run purely vertically? If you look closely at the photo to the left of a Woodpecker's hole you can see the grooves in the wood where the bird has pecked and pecked to perfect the entrance to their nest. I don't think I've seen one at such close quarters before! It was great to have the chance to concentrate so wholly on the woodland for a couple of hours, cars and planes distant humming on the horizon that we somehow filtered out despite being in London, watching birds and

admiring the ingenious way nature survives, despite us!
I'll leave you with one last photo of a Rowan berry's underbelly, a perfect pentagram or five pointed star, which is apparently on all Rowan berries and coincidently apples - have you cut one in half horizontally? Just to take you back to Avalon - Isle of Apples! I came away with the added bounty of a pile of holly, mistletoe and a lump of the 'original' Yule log,  the Ash, gleaned by one of the gentleman who works as a groundsman and needed to trim the plants back to clear pathways. Let's see what I manage to do with before next week, all ready for Yule.

Have a Wonderful and Blessed Week x x 

A Creative Crone

Tuesday's Full Moon

Well, what can I say, belated blogging - another new skill I'm getting good at! Mondays are always hectic as I work all day and then the evening, and it seemed to dawn on me over the weekend, particularly on Sunday that giving myself a tight deadline to write my weekly blog and rushing to finish it was totally contradictory to what I was intending to do, when I set out 34 weeks ago - That and it felt more important to enjoy some impromptu family time instead of beavering away at my computer! I've felt the energy of the full moon this last week, it doesn't show up in this photo but it had a beautiful crest around it as she shone her reflected brilliance through the clouds.
I've picked up my Christmas cards and presents that

Lots of Half Started Ideas...

I've been planning to make and put them back down so many times over the last week, my kitchen table is crammed with projects waiting to have life breathed into them but I kept telling myself it was too early to disguise to the anxious nagging voice that they will look amateur, not perfect and people will be scratching their heads wondering what on earth I have made them or it resembles something that a child made in reception or kindergarten... As I was driving to work musing about this, I remembered with some irony the fear and self doubt that I cast into the Samhain Fire as I  asked Goddess to help me shed things that held me back and no longer served me. When did they try and squeeze their way back in? 

It was at this point I decided that even if the results were childish, it wouldn't matter - some of my most precious gifts have been cards and drawings or ornaments that the children have made, even more precious because of it in fact and no one I would be giving a gift to would think "bloody hell she's been watching Blue Peter again"  but the complete opposite, they  would appreciate the time I had spent planning, making and creating something rather than diving in the nearest shop to purchase any old thing off the shelf. Turning the radio on, and intending to torture my own ear drums and poor car with some rather loud and

Ready to be Awesome Gifts

joyful singing, instead  I caught a timely and interesting interview -perhaps some of you will have heard of  a lady called Elizabeth Gilbert?  I had never heard of her, but had heard of a film called Eat, Pray, Love - based on her book about her journey of travel and rediscovery in Italy, India and Indonesia, but not really taken much notice of it before.She was talking about her new book which if I got then gist of this right, she was encouraging people to be brave and creative, keen to point out that the art or end product created was the result of the journey not the entire aim. Well, thunderbolts for me there and then for me! The icy wind of the Crone was blowing around me wild and wise, telling me to let go of my fears and self doubts (again!) - it couldn't  be wrong, just unique....

Certainly a
Kindred Spirit!

When I got to work, I joyfully started telling my lovely colleague Liz all about it, and although I kept calling the book "Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat" instead (-that could be a gleeful wily Crone's way of telling me to dance again!) she knew what I was referring to and when I turned round to the DVD's - there it was on the shelf! Bubbling with ideas for gifts and projects, I stopped bending her ear and got on with some work, full of resolve to complete these unfinished products and inspired with fresh ideas, even a very big project or two that ties in with the idea of the art illustrating the journey...watch this space! 
The next day the same lovely lady whom I have shared many fascinating and interesting conversations about all things spiritual and weird and wonderful, came in with a couple of magazines for me to borrow, it's by-line being Sharing Spiritual Wisdom..... Certainly some wise woman energy flowing around me this week, Goddess pushing me forward and clearing

Homemade Gifts

my mind, shedding negativity and new wisdom helping me to develop and grow.
So, fully inspired, much to the disgust of my families noses,  I have spent the weekend making more chutney and pickle, some for coffee mornings at work and some for gifts as well as working on a variety of shall we say 'unique' bath potions as presents! So it should be a spicy and smelly Yule all round down here  in Kent this year...you have been warned!!
Christmas  and Yule Cards on the agenda for this week.

Have a Creative and Free Thinking week!! x x

Unexpected Connections

Early Morning Sun in Linton

Well I think it's fair to say that any remaining cobwebs have been completely blown away this week in the wake of hurricane Barney, torrential rain as well as a snow shower yesterday morning! I've felt so much more connected to Goddess this week, my daily practice has been natural and unhurried again, allowing me to focus again and feel the Crone energy around me: re-evaluating, clearing, clarifying and sharing a glimpse of ancient wisdom with me. Some unsought, some asked for, all of it a powerful learning curve, that will shape me and will help me grow, harsh lessons though they may be. 
In particular this week the Crone energies have probably very naturally shouting ancestors and Motherline to me. After having a chance to chat with cousins I haven't seen for years, since past funerals and also meeting a cousin that even my Dad hasn't seen for 46 years, our accidental chance of birth into the same 'clan' gives us a shared DNA, more similarities than we can conceive in looks, traits and personality, more family photos have been added to our family archives and it was a personal reminder from Goddess that life can be short and to appreciate the people around us (not that I don't!) which to me has meant to make more time to see my lovely parents, again not that I don't, but to quote Andrew Marvell - "But at my back I always hear Times winged chariot hurrying near " With this in mind, I decided to fully embrace more opportunities to spend time with them as they arose, leading to an impromptu Fish and Chip Supper  at ours after the Funeral on Monday - one of Kevin's

Mosaic Floor at Lullingstone

favourites and then on Friday Dad randomly suggesting that I joined them for a trip to Lullingstone Roman Villa the following day -  well of course I said yes. On Saturday I sat in the back of my Mum and Dad's car feeling like an excited child again and resisting the urge to ask "Are we there yet?" as we drove to this local treasure, I recalled memories of being on a coach at junior school, Mum also on board as always, helping out with any trip that she could and making time for those that she probably would have preferred not to! At this point I wasn't looking for any special Goddess connection, just happy and thankful to Goddess that I was able to spend care free time with them so readily.
It didn't take long before I began to feel the familiar sense of reason, destiny

Four Seasons Mosaic
- Summer is missing

and dotting the i's and crossing the t's - watching the introductory film, telling us  how there was an unusually large Granary on site for the size of villa, ooh, my radar was up and in full search and retrieve mode, no wonder Goddess sent me in this direction and noticing the fabulous mosaics, more of Gods than Goddesses  I grant you, but still a pretty funky looking one with corn in his hair that miraculously still survive, as well as the wall paintings that naturally portray nearly 2000 year old images of Goddess.....of course! 
Sorry the pictures aren't of great quality -

Frieze of Water Goddesses By The Well

for obvious reasons to preserve the site the lights are low. In what might have originally been a cellar the archaeologists had found signs of Pagan worship including this beautiful wall frieze of water Goddesses by the well, which appeared to be in an underground room the modern day historians have called "The Cult Room" - which sounds quite menacing, which later had a Christian Chapel built over it but it looks like it was still used until the owners returned to Rome as well as the remains of a shrine to an unknown deity in the grounds. The photos really don't so the painting justice! 
The walls of this underground room still have bits of paint on them, not that I could pick them out in the lighting but it must

The Cult Room, the Frieze is on
 the left wall parallel with the well.

have been something special in it's day. So I stood there feeling slightly miffed that there was no magical or divine Scooby Doo ending here. 
Disappointed that there was no sign of a Corn/Grain Goddess to be found in the former shrine or "Cult Room", I suppose I had expected an all singing and dancing sign from my Goddess, an amazing relic that I instantly connected with or something, I turned to talk to my Dad who was engrossed in a wall display and well, there She was, albeit it a simple modern drawing on a display about Roman Gods and Goddesses, not necessarily in the form or the name that I would connect with Her, but a small

Ceres

simplistic drawing depicting Ceres as a Goddess of "agriculture, grain and motherly love" even holding a sheaf of corn. Not Ker as such, but a timely reminder for me at least all the same that my Goddess is around me, even when I am struggling to see, hear or feel her! I think I need to pay more attention to that clarity and wisdom that the Crone is trying to share with me and leave my own preconceptions of what it should be like behind. Thank You!
Slightly late post this week as when I picked Sophie up from work last night and asked her what she wanted to do for tea (as we had all already eaten) she decided that she wanted to go to Nanny and Granddad's for tea.... My poor parents probably wanted some peace but instead they had a couple of hours with their only daughter and only granddaughter looking at old family photos, laughing at anecdotes and memories and drinking tea, all thoughts of blog writing out of the window and you know some how I think that Crone / Wise Woman / Ancient Grandmother would have preferred that!

 Have A Blessed Week x x 

Artist's Impression of What the Villa
And Cult Room May have Looked like.

Solace

Solitary nest in a tree

Late post again this week, sorry everyone - the end of the week seemed to evaporate and I hadn't managed to finish reining in all my thoughts that were whirling round my head by the time it came to write them down, they were elusive to say the least. Even grounding and calling Goddess in this week has felt perfunctual and I've felt a lack of depth, if that makes sense. I thought the week finally had come when there would be gap! However after trailing round half the shops in town with my son who suddenly realised that he needed a suit for the funeral the next day as his no longer fitted him, I literally decided to take to the hills, I wonder if that's where the phrase came from....fleeing to higher ground and departing quickly! Anyway off I shot to our lovely North Downs to escape the maelstrom gusting round my head and literally blow the cobwebs away.

Kits Coty House

 At one of my favourite haunts the evocative Kits Coty House, I braved the very real wind that stripped trees naked of their remaining leaves and whipped my hair so wildly that I looked like a cave woman. Luckily no one else was there to witness my bad hair afternoon and I was able to sit in silence and watch over the town in the valley below, hoping to find  the peace I was looking for. What I did find, was the noisiest silence you could get! Obviously my Goddess of the land is not a quiet one - as the wind whistled, roared and raged, the trees where clacking and rattling and even the grass was flapping so quickly it made a rushing sort of sound as it blew first one way and

A Gift To The Ancestors?

them another like a turbulent green sea, albeit one dotted with some very hardy dandelions. After joining in with the wailing, making a fair amount of racket myself as well as a bit of grizzling, which may have added to the cave woman look - my very ancient ancestors who may very well have been buried where I was sitting would have approved of, I felt oddly better in a primal and free sort of way. Inspired and slightly renewed I  noticed this tiny pumpkin, left maybe as a Samhain offering to unknown ancients amongst the stones and remembered the ancient people who would rest for eternity where I sat, these remaining stones on the hill once being the entrance to a burial long barrow that has long since been ploughed to oblivion. I've read somewhere that these were

A Bit Far from the Coast
For Shells....

also often used as temples back in a time when we called on the spirits of our ancestors to mediate with or appease our Goddesses and Gods. Is this where our desire to honour and achieve things in our departed loved one's memories comes from? This ancient ancestor worship? In all probability all they too sat with their bones and remembered those they loved, probably had the same gut wrenching feelings of guilt and regret about we did or didn't say or do, smiled at precious memories, wiped away tears and howled into the wind.

Illuminating The Town

Sitting overlooking the town, I watched rays of sun filter out one by one through the cloud, illuminating random patches where they shone, this photo could be mistaken for a UFO too! I sat meditating, still no clear images or thoughts but I felt as though the mists were clearing and felt sure that Goddess wasn't so very far away after all. With the hairs on the back of my neck rising and a growing sense that the patrolling hawk or kestrel circling high above and I weren't alone I decided it was time to leave and head back home, feeling a lot calmer and refocused again. I was taken with the tree lined tunnel that forms an avenue up and down

Heading Down to the
 Countless Stones

the hill that acts as an access route to the stones along the famous Pilgrims Way, I wonder how many years later that became it's official name from some ancient track? Yes more trees, I'm obsessed! I know there is no way they were the original ones there when the stones were first erected but they feel apt like a processional funerary route. Climbing back up to the car I still had the most curious sensation that I was not alone, but really didn't fancy staying to find out, that might be another trip with a friend or two to investigate further! 
Thanking the Goddess for the calm before the inevitable storm and the renewed strength I felt, I went home and laid the table with our best tablecloths, china and cutlery for us to have a final celebratory meal, even opened a bottle of bubbly to toast cherished memories and laugh at all the funny times we have shared with Kevin, and believe me there are plenty, many of them extremely colourful! 

Wishing You All A Peaceful and Blessed Week x x

Ivy Entwined with a Tree

It Feels Like An Ancient Route

Surrounded by Trees

The Crone

What's been on my mind this week? 
Not surprisingly perhaps - death, what happens afterwards, trees that look like brains and Goddess in her Crone aspect, not at all as grim as it sounds - I promise you! I thought I'd also share some art with you this week, this is an old oil crayon sketch I did earlier this year of Ceridwen the Crone weaving her magic huddled round her cauldron, in some other world under Glastonbury Tor, not a bear which it looks a bit like according to my son! When I did a meditation journey to meet Goddess as Crone a vision of Her flashed into my head immediately, it took a while for me to track the image down but eventually I realised it was a sketch my beautiful cousin Rachel had shown me of her A level art a couple of years ago, bless her, she has very kindly sent me  a photo of the finished work...
 

By Kind Permission of Rachel Weeden

  

It is is even more amazing than I remember, I know you will all agree, what a very talented young lady she is! In this sketch of a very old woman I can see so many emotions telling her story: humour, fear, hope, grief, love, warmth, pain, knowledge and joy. There is beauty in her wrinkled and lined skin and her work worn hands. I can still remember filing and painting my Nan's nails for her and being fascinated by the strength  and the stories in those tiny wrinkled arthritic hands, whilst listening to tales of her parents, grandparents, her childhood and her life. I also remember getting told off for remarking that she looked like a nice old witch to my Mum! I meant it in 

Tree Roots at Avebury Circle

the nicest possible way, she was beautiful and wise. In the mediation Goddess was sitting waiting for me on some raised gnarled tree routes not unlike these at Avebury Circle. Predictably just as I drew nearer I was brought back to the present by one of the cats! I'll need to revisit that meditation path again, I am still calling Goddess in as Ker, no Crone name has come to me yet, having learnt the hard way earlier in the year that other people's interpretations don't always work for others, I'm in no rush!
The phrase 'tree of life' kept floating through my mind and feels

Tree of Life
Pendant

 as though it's important for me or has an important lesson for me to learn. It also connects with me for family trees and the mother line which is still nagging away at me to research some more. Whilst looking for fresh tea lights in my Goddess drawer, I found a pretty silver pendant I bought last year and have yet to buy a chain  for it and wear it - of course it's the tree of life symbol - what else would it be? I beginning to think I'm getting obsessed with trees reflecting us or us reflecting them, even simply looking at them. I really will be hugging them next!

As the land is dying down, for winter, like a little death in itself, which interestingly translates in French as La Petite Morte and can also mean an orgasm, a final ecstasy perhaps - all sorts of connotations of seeds being planted there, but sorry I digress! I've been musing how life and nature reflect each other; that both have life cycles that have been played out for time immeasurable and have found myself watching trees as they shed their leaves literally in front of me, some at the end of their lives, clinging on until the bitter end, brown, dry and wrinkled they float away from the branches, whilst others spiral and dance away

Mistletoe Balls

in the wind - vivid wings of red, orange and gold even green, energetic to the last.  The rapidly disappearing leaves leaves have made the clumps of mistletoe visible, ironically it poisons the tree, despite being evergreen and associated with Christmas kisses, it's pretty noxious stuff! No wonder it was and still is so revered by Druids alongside the Oak tree. 
It's possible that these ancient oaks at the base of the Tor
were once part of a druid grove, this one known as Magog is between 1000 and 1500 years old "She" named after a legendary giantess, is still alive unlike her brother Gog, strange I've just today remembered having a dream as a child, where there were tiny devils under the bed called Gog and

The Ancient Magog

Magog, it terrified me at the time! Nearly as much as the afternoon walk round the bottom of the Tor a couple of years ago where I took this photo of Magog, up hill and down dale as my Discovery Sisters can probably well recall!  All these bare branches put me in mind of blood veins, arteries and capillaries that service our bodies and brains with the oxygen vital to our existence, which are also reflected in the trees root systems.... as above so below. Trees covered with foliage always look like brains to me too, perhaps I need to get out less! Walking this path with Goddess has made me stop and look at the world around me in a different way.

 I'll do my best to stay away from trees for a while, but don't hold your breath!

Have A Blessed Week x x x

The Veil Thins

A Blessed Samhain to You All

Samhain Sunset

As some of you may have gathered, the veils between the worlds have been painfully thin for our family this week, as a much loved member of family passed over very unexpectedly. Nearly at the end of his gruelling chemo and radiotherapy, complications set in for my cousin Kev, who was so much more like a big brother to me. Mercifully for him it was quick and hopefully he was comforted in his last hours by having us all around him, reminiscing and talking about family members and parties, past present and future. I'd like to think that we eased his soul's passing, surrounding him with warmth, love and laughter. One day he will tell me how annoying I was, I'm sure. 
I wasn't quite convinced about lighting a candle for him on my altar to my Goddess as he had no faith of his own, but I did and simply asked that he was greeted with love and that he walked and talked with all our ancestors old and more recent, he loved his history so I'm sure he would approve of that.

Samhain is referred to by many as the 3rd and final

Goddess and Tor Pumpkin

harvest of the year, traditionally when animals were killed to feed communities throughout the winter until the spring and when the veils between the worlds are at their thinnest, presumably why we tell stories of ghosts and ghouls haunting us - a far cry from the ancient traditions of honouring and remembering  our ancestors! Jack O'Lanterns or pumpkins are decorated to keep spirits away, the

Samhain Altar

opposite to what I was aiming for...with this in mind I decorated mine with an image of Goddess in front of Glastonbury Tor.....not a woman running away from a haunted house waving her hands in the air as my son suggested!
After cleaning our house, I cleansed every room with incense and asking Goddess to help us shed all the things that no longer serve us, for some reason, which seemed to make sense at the time, I did this naked, don't panic - everyone was out and the curtains and blinds were all drawn! It just seemed to fit with the shedding of things, the Crone energy and the clarity She brings, it also made me look at my bare self, which is not something I do often either.

Moon Bag

Just to reassure my family and neighbour - I won't be making a habit of it especially after I nearly had a nasty accident with a match, enough said! I then decorated my altar for Samhain complete with my unusually decorated pumpkin, a shiny black cloth, a 'hag stone' to represent Goddess as the Crone, candles and holders of purple and my moon bag that I made, what seems like a long time ago at a Discovery Workshop, which contains the photos and names of my Motherline and my ancestors. I took the time to ground myself properly, particularly as I knew that I would be walking around  the  final resting places of many later on.

Entrance to the Barrow

It was then time to head off for an afternoon out with a local group - Maidstone Pagans for our Samhain visit to local megaliths, we have quite a collection along the river valley. We went to Chestnuts Long Barrow, the site of an ancient neolithic tomb constructed a mere 6000 years ago which is only open by private appointment and spent a wonderful hour walking among the stones,honouring unknown ancient ancestors, feeling the energy immediately and then used divining rods, which is something I have never done before, the results were amazing! I honestly thought people twiddled them around with their thumbs, apologies to anyone

Side view of the Long barrow

I have just offended....
At one point, Sally, Ricky and myself all followed our rods independently and reached the same point towards the back of the body of the barrow, where they all crossed just on the right of this picture, sorry no pictures of that, we were all too busy divining, where we all felt different things, personally I felt that someone had walked through me and was tingling all over, I was pretty glad I'd taken the time to ground myself earlier and had asked Goddess to walk with me as I visited the ancestors.
As darkness and mist fell, I drove to Folkstone for a Samhain Ceremony on the

Samhain Fire
 - resting place
of self doubt and fear

Beach with the lovely members of Folkestone Pagan Circle- old and new, unfortunately I kept driving and ended up at Dover, but made it back just in time, however my calm practised calling in of Goddess that I had been asked to do as poor Laura was ill, went right out of the window. You can have hedge witches that practise their craft solo, ergo that must make me a hedge Goddess girl, quiet  whispered words are more my style, yes really despite my extrovert ahem, tendencies! This coupled with the fact that this Pagan circle is an eclectic mix of Druids, Wiccans, Witches and other beliefs, and it's quite safe to say I was right out of my comfort zone. One of the things we had been asked to bring to the ceremony was something to let go, ironically l had decided to throw fear and self doubt into the Samhain fire..... Unfortunately I had to call in before that part of the ceremony, deep breath and I did it, it wasn't amazing, it was brief and simple but it was honest, true and I did it! Self doubt and fear well and truly thrown in that Samhain Cauldron, only peeping over the top of the cauldron with a smirk again when Jason asked me to close unexpectedly..... However by then we had honoured our ancestors, talking about them and placing a photo of them on our beach altar and with the love of a thousand ancestors behind me, it didn't seem so daunting somehow and it came to me more naturally, not an Oscar winning performance,

Samhain Moon

but a purely heartfelt one which is what matters to me. Out of nowhere a huge glowing orange moon looking just like a giant pumpkin rose from behind the Hotel Burstin (the one that looks like a ship sideways on), not a great photo, it really doesn't do it justice, but it had us all spellbound. Thanks for a beautiful ceremony everyone, I think all of us managed to let go some unhelpful and unhealthy elements as well hearing some beautiful tales of our ancestors. I drove home thinking about my grandparents, whose memories and photos I had shared at the ceremony and wondered, not for the first time what they would make have made of my beliefs, before laughing and remembering that they themselves come from multiple lines of non conformists as opposed to

Misty Samhain Moon

the more commonplace faiths. Bearing in mind that on both sides we seem to have been in this area for centuries that we know of, it did make me wonder if these neolithic tombs I love to visit contain any ancient ancestors? 1000 years is only approximately 40 generations ago, 40 people back,  so maybe 160- 240 people back in total -that seems feasible, in all probability it's likely that those original few farmers who made the hilltops above the dense forests  I mentioned last week their homes and farms were the original matriarchs and patriarchs of the millennia of generations to follow....

As I was writing this a friend posted these words on a facebook page: 

Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. "Be still" they say. "Watch and Listen. You are the result of the love of thousands"  Anon as far as I know.

How Apt. How Wonderful. 

A very big thank you to all of you who have sent words of love and comfort to myself and my family this week, it is most gratefully received

Samhain Blessings  x x