Learning To Remember

July 2020

I've seen so many blogs, articles and memes about Covid 19 - how to cope with it, how it's changed people's lives, how to prosper. Lists of spells and rituals to help you through it, toxic memes that declare if you haven't learned a new skill that you've wasted time, articles announcing that people have built a business, written a best-seller, taught yourself how to play the cello, become an overnight genius and flown to the moon. I vowed I wouldn't add my blog to the list of these.

What I want to know is where are the slightly plumper than they were before, pajama clad, slightly ashamed of the wine bottle chink of their recycling bin people? Or is it just me? I know it isn't, I've spoken to so many of my friends (socially distanced of course) to know that I'm not alone in my 'failure' to have have lost 14 stone, created a 6 figure turnover business in less than a week or written a series of best selling novels that will beat JK Rowling hands down. 

Hats off to all these ambitious and high flying people, I mean that, I really do. I have no wish to attempt to pull them down or shame them for their fabulous achievements and successes. It's the expectations and the attempted shaming of people who are just about managing to navigate a semi normal course through choppy waters and trying not to drown in uncharted ocean of a pandemic - that's what I have an issue with. For some of us, most of us, the changes and achievements in our lives will be smaller and quieter, but that does not make them less significant, far from it. These small quiet undeclared victories or lessons will have just a great an impact for the individual concerned, so I caved and with goggles of (hopefully) hindsight as we emerge blinking into the post lockdown era, I've written my own Covid 19 success blog.

What I discovered was not just what I'd learned, but an awful lot of what I had remembered about myself....

I remembered what it feels like to not have to worry about make up.

I remembered what it felt like as a child to be 'ready' with just clean clothes, brushed hair and teeth.

I learnt that people still talk to you at the supermarket or outside if you are 'au naturel'. They still smile, chat, laugh and joke with you.

I learnt that they don't point and laugh at the grey hairs.

I remembered how much I love the feel of the grass beneath my feet.

I remembered how the smell of wet earth is absolutely divine.

I remembered the joy of watching plants and vegetables grow day by day like beloved pets.

I remembered my connection to the land, literally and spiritually.

I learnt that I love gardening barefoot getting grubby and watering my feet as much as the plants.

I remembered how much I love my husband. I mean I always knew, but

I remembered why we promised our love to each other forever.

I remembered what a good team we are.

I learnt that he really does always have my back, and vice versa.

I leant that we didn't want to kill each other during lock down and that we really are forever.

I remembered my beloved Nanna telling my about the rationing and queues during and after the war and felt grateful that I had a short ten or fifteen minute queue for the supermarket and that wine and cheese has not yet been in short supply.

I remembered slow rainy days of childhood where I had sat nose pressed against the windows, wishing the rain away with every essence of my young being.

I remembered the quiet hum of creativity, lost in concentration and the pleasure it brought to create - just because.

I remembered the sheer joy and anticipation of curling up with a book, guilt free.

I learnt was it was to be patient.

I remembered the joy of cuddling a cat and feeling their whiskers tickle your hands and face.

I remembered how to cloud bust on blissful sunny afternoons.

I remembered what a wonder an unfolding flower was, sitting with a cuppa watching a poppy unfurl before my very eyes.

I remembered how magical the dappled sunlight through a leaf canopy is.

I learnt mindfulness.

I remembered what is what to take my time to do things, no quick 'pop' to the shops.

I remembered the taste of a long morning cuppa and a gentle slow start to the day, and the joyous taste of a second one sitting in the garden in my PJ's.

I remembered that I could cook, not banana bread but having and taking the time to select ingredients and create meals from scratch.

I remembered the glorious forage fest on my door step when I made and drank the most delicious Elderflower cordial.

I learnt to relax.

I remembered how much I love my family and what they mean to me.

I remembered what it is to have my arms ache for a hug with my children and my parents.

I remembered the mischief of a caught eye of a friend and the laughter that follows.

I remembered what it is to miss people.

I learnt to appreciate everyone I love. More. So Much More

I remembered  to take the time daily to really spend time with the Goddess.

I remembered how to see Her in all the beauty around me, in the fields, the woods and in my home

I remembered how to hear Her voice in the wind, in the rain and in the silence.

I remembered the joy of stillness and meditation.

I learnt to walk my path with my Goddess all over again.

Have a Blessed Week x x 

Midsummer Madness

Glorious Blessings of Summer Solstice, 

Litha and Midsummer to you all!

What a beautiful weekend it has been, perfect for celebrating Summer with all my weird and wonderful friends..... yeah sadly like, so many other things right now that didn't happen, but hey we're still here and there is always 2021 - it's already booked! Usually I would have been away camping up in the hills with like minded friends, all living in a tipi for a few days meditating deeply, practicing sacred arts , weaving magick and wait, who am I kidding? Drinking cocktails, making rude jokes, laughing like drains and generally having a whale of a time!

This year of course, that wasn't an option, we all needed to stay safe so instead I created my very own solstice camp in the garden....

Camp Claire!

My kitchen became a place of frenzied activity, Solstice Bunting became a must have thing for the patio and the tent, a wall hanging was quickly knocked up, oops I mean lovingly created, wreaths were adorned with suitable summery fripperies and ribbons, the cats took over the tent and himself looked on bemused and nodding indulgently, I promised cider and he was in agreement..

Hey presto, we had a Lockdown Camp of our own! 

Hurrah! I even managed to persuade himself to join in some crafting with me as we sat enjoying the peace of the afternoon. We made a sun wreath - weaving our whispered wishes and intentions for ourselves and loved ones into it, smudge sticks filled with ingredients from our own garden and full of love and joyful vibrant decorations for our very own ancient scared cloutie tree - AKA the patio Olive tree!

I did have some ideas of a simple ritual at the garden 'altar', some crystal healing and a meditation but the neighbours had the audacity to have a barbecue and socially distance with guests, so plans changed a little, I won't be giving this camp site a 5 star trip advisor rating! Nor could we see the sunset, although we did simultaneously watch the live stream from Stonehenge along with 90,000 others, not quite as hectic as the real thing with 21,000 people 5 years ago I hasten to add. Instead we sat round the fire chatting with a refreshing beverage or two and set our intentions onto the fire to carry them to the Goddess during which I managed to burn the hairs of the back of my hand trying to film it! 

I consoled myself with the thought of watching the sunrise the next morning ....

So the sunrise, well Goddess help me I woke up switched my alarm off and snored happily in my tent until about half past 6! Himself had got up for the loo at 3 and went crashed out in our room instead! Proper Pagans we are! You've got to laugh.

Summer Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere is the point where the sun is closest to the North Pole -  this year was on 20th, some people watch the sunrise, some the sunset, some mark the longest day, the shortest night, none of it, all of it! Then on top of that we had Litha - usually observed on 21st is a Neo Pagan Celtic Fire Festival most likely based on an ancient rite where farmers would ask the Gods and Goddess for blessing on their cattle and crops. Until recently and when I say recently I mean yesterday, I thought that was Midsummer too. But no! Great excitement, it isn't!  

Midsummer is actually 24th June (and is also know as the Christian Feast day of St John the Baptist) and is still celebrated in some parts of the world.

In the now sadly defunct magazine Goddess Alive! Midsummer was linked to the Irish Goddess Aine (pronounced On-ya) - the link will take you to the archived copies, well worth a read! 

It's  association with fairies is strongly tied to Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream but it does predate it, the ancient fairies not being so sweet as we may like - some more downright malevolent than mischievous! So with that in mind, I'm off to watch a streamed performance of A Midsummer Night's Dream from the Globe and with plenty of honey to leave out for the fairies I am going to welcome in this Midsummer's Day tomorrow...   Wish me luck!!

Have a Blessed Week!

Written In The Stars

So I wasn't planning on writing a blog today, not at all, I was intending to sort out two funerals instead. No one panic! They're mock ones for me to have a practice at honing my skills, now that drum roll purleease.... I've finished my Funeral Celebrancy training! Hurrah!
My lovely friend Laura has very kindly shared her late Grandma's memories with me to practice my eulogy writing skills and my equally lovely friend Jen has kindly agreed to be 'killed off' so that I can practice a virtual funeral via zoom. Not as in the human sacrifice you understand, I don't demand that level of attention to detail! 
Anyway that's what I had planned as I sat having a cuppa on the patio, but Goddess had other plans for me and I long ago learned to go with the flow and see where my journey takes me....

Those of you that follow either @walkingwithmygoddess on Instagram or Walking With My Goddess on Facebook might have seen the beautiful poem above written by the awesome Nikita Gill that I shared this morning already. I save 'pretties' as I see them and share them as the day and my thoughts take me. So this one caught my attention this morning and a little bit of research later I discovered how much truth is in it. I mean I knew scientifically we were stardust and earth, but not how much. The proportions astounded me, along with connotations and connections for us all here on Earth since the dawn of time.
So here's the science bit... (Maybe I should have listened more in Chemistry)

Chemical Make Up - Courtesy of the Natural History Museum

So sitting there pondering the world over my cup of Lady Grey this morning, it struck me that our ancient ancestors knew far more than we thought possible. For millennia, we have looked to the skies and to the stars in the night skies, we have venerated and worshipped the celestial bodies that we have seen there. Gods and Goddesses have given their names to stars, planets and constellations, some believed that Heaven was there before a vision of a Christian Heaven was ever articulated and believed that the stars were are home before and after life, and we weren't wrong. Even if we didn't know the scientific facts, our hearts, souls, spirits and intuition, our ancient wisdom was right. 

When I was a child and a beloved relative or  pet died, they became stars in the sky, "look for the brightest star" my Mum and Dad said "that will be them, they are twinkling their hellos to you". I believed it then and I still do. I said the same to my children, we always looked for the brightest star, always finding the North Star or maybe even Venus and the magic passed to another generation. Nothing new there, the conscious thought stream of our connection to the stars is as old as time throughout the world:

Image Courtesy of www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/556687203924132460/

I've certainly bought many a sympathy card with that or similar words on, and in a way it's true.

Nearly all cultures have Goddesses (and Gods) of the  Stars - Arianrhod, Inanna/Ishtar, Nut, Taonoui, Gendenwitha, Ausrine, Ch'aska and Asteria to name a few. There are more as I found out...

So, as part of my Funeral Celebrancy course, I had to do a meditation to meet my plant ally, hmmm. I love a meditation, and this was one I hadn't contemplated let alone tried before. Wondering how this would I work I sat down and followed the guided meditation. I ended up in some kind of root chamber, with a plant I didn't know with star shaped red flowers circling and entwining tendrils round my wrist, before suddenly whooooshing and stretching up to the heavens, floating around in the stars before coming back again and feeling a tad purplexed. These things are never simple are they? So I set about recording what I had 'seen' and researching it. After a quick google, identifying the flower was easy, a scarlet pimpernel.. Oh yeah, flipping great I thought, how is that going to lead me forward in my journey as a funeral celebrant? At this point I pulled an oracle card from my Angels and Ancestors deck.

Now this has popped up before, my interest and curiosity peaked a little, this card talks of the Star Ancestors named by Native Americans, of otherworldy support and friends in the stars who will support you, of cosmic guidance  and being on your true path. Ok sounds promising. That promising in fact, that the same card then came out of the pack for the consecutive 3 days!

Some research on the Scarlet Pimpernel (not the elusive variety) revealed some astonishing mythology and folklore, or perhaps I should say ancient wisdom. Other names for it include Poor Man's Weatherglass and Shepherd's Barometer due to the fact the petals close up if bad weather is coming and as the day draws to a close. It's magical uses include healing, second sight, protection, transformation and consecration - all pretty apt for my new path and it's associated Deity is Maia. 

Maia? Quick google - mother of Hermes, blah, blah, Greek blah,blah, one of the Seven Sisters, hmm, Pleiades, wait what - isn't that a star cluster? Yes it sure is. Situated  in the North West of the constellation of Taurus, it's one of the most easily recognisable in the sky. Thank the Goddess there isn't a star named Scarlet Pimpernel or my head might really have exploded. Maia is also a Roman name for Midwife, Wise One and Grandmother. So all of a sudden that makes a bit more sense, lots of interesting strands to explore and digest, to weave into my journey and carry me forward. 

So bit of star gazing coming up for me I think and some time for meditating further on the gifts that Goddess has shown to me. It's not coincidence that these things reveal themselves to me as they do, I used to say 'a weird thing happened', but I don't anymore, I just roll with it, and now I can honestly say it's written in the stars!

Have a Blessed Week x x 

References:

https://www.instagram.com/nikita_gill/?hl=en

https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/are-we-really-made-of-stardust.html

Gifts From The Goddess

Sun behind the clouds in nearby Hunton..

Weird, dark  and scary old times we're living in right now aren't we? I hope you're all well and safe wherever you are. As expected, there are some people are moaning but the general consensus amongst my family and friends is that if this is the crisis of our lifetime and if this is the war we have to fight, we're grateful it doesn't involve sending our loved ones away to kill and maim each other like our grandparents had to, and we're blessed that our part - for the most of us, is just staying in and staying put, which is a very small part to play.
Himself is still out trucking to keep our infrastructure supplied and ticking along and whilst we had to close the winter shelter a week earlier than planned, I'd already got a new part time job arranged which will still involve heading out as it's care work, but hey ho. For the most part, when I'm not delivering shopping to Mum and Dad, through their double glazed 'air lock' porch',  I'll be tucked up safe and warm. 

Beautiful Hellebores in Mum and Dad's Garden

That has been the worst part for me, waving a bit forlornly at them through their patio doors - especially on Mother's Day and Mum's birthday, the day after, although I was blessed to be able to sit on their patio in the sun the other day and 'chat' with them through the glass in their self- isolation. A bit of shouting was involved but it worked!! 
In times like these, I'm glad that I'm a glass half full kind of person, it's not that I don't see the dangers, the worries, the bad news, nor is it that I choose to ignore them. The truth is I'm a disgustingly and annoyingly positive soul, which has been pointed out to me on more than one occasion, I'll deal with all the bad things but literally can't help but choose to keep all the things that are joyous high on my agenda and remember and honour them for what they are - little gifts from my Goddess...

Jen's Daffodils

Daffodils, these beauties in my garden make me think of my wonderful friend Jen, she wrote a hilarious poem about their glorious yellowness and just looking at them makes me smile and recall her reciting it with her mischievous smile!

I've had the time to remember to charge my crystals in the light of sun and the darkness of the new moon, just looking at them made me ooh and arr at their colourful and magical wonder and shiny splendour.

Oooh Shiny!!

Lots of little things are the big things right now: discovering Zoom and having face to face video online chats with my family and friends, a Family online quiz night arranged for next weekend, a virtual dinner party last night - we all got dressed up, put our heels and slap on, grabbed a glass of something nice and huddled round our phones and laptops to chat a load of twaddle to each other! Warm cat cuddles and kisses in my bed this morning from Old George who has braved an operation and made it through when he might not have done and sitting on a covered patio watching the hail fly past! 

All little gifts and wonders that I might not have taken the time to see or experience before.

Little gifts from the Goddess to keep me sane whilst I stay in to be safe.

Keep looking for yours, they are there.

Have a Blessed Week and Stay Safe x x 

Absolutely Shameless

Courtesy of NeemSanctuary : https://www.facebook.com/neemsanctuary/

A dear friend posted this meme in our Moon Circle group page last week and it really struck a chord with me. It's so joyously simple - there is that old adage that a problem shared is a problem halved and as long as you don't tell your new best frenemy and they share it all over social media before you've even had a chance to regret your honesty, it really is true.

I was lying there last night in the wee small hours between a snoring husband and cat thinking how very true this is. Many is the time I've laid there tossing and turning, consumed with some worry or remembered embarrassment that the shame demons have gleefully resurrected from 1995 to torment me with, not last night though, I was just being profound (check me out) and crafting sage words for this blog that I cannot for the life of me remember this morning! Luckily for me, himself is very good with dealing with tears at 2 am, cuddling them away with a cheerful and devoted "come here you narna!" but of course he also works away.....

Our Moon Circle was last Friday and before we had even started the conversation turned to a let's call it a 'romantic encounter' of the week that was a bit of a disaster to say the least, cue supportive comments and understanding murmurs all round, when I say that I mean laughter and shrieks of delighted shock, followed by "that happened to me!" and a noisy screeching crescendo of similar tales and salacious confessions. We laughed, cried, whooped, snorted and wept with hilarity and glee, very thankful for the wide range of feminine hygiene products that are available these days. the embarrassment and shame demons took one look at us and scarpered into the night, tails firmly between their legs.

Source unknown - happy to add!

All jokes aside, these were embarrassing situations rather than one of utter shame and humiliation and many of these were being viewed through the kaleidoscope of time and acceptance, you can't merely laugh off the visceral emotions grief, domestic abuse or rape for example. Somewhere further down the line though, beginning to unpack the burden of shame into the warm supportive light of a circle built on mutual respect and non judgement, fortified by understanding, caring and empathy which has evolved into love and sisterhood has a balm all of it's own and can allow deeper healing to start. Even if that is only holding a safe and sacred space and being witness to the emotions and pain, hand holding and passing the tissues - we've done plenty of that in our circle too, sometimes there are no words just the listening and honouring of the pain or events, watching as it is woven in and out of the tapestry of life.

Venus of Willendorf Photo: Wikimedia Commons GNU FDL

Last night however I amused the insomniac facet of myself with the Goddess and Shame - wracking my brains for Goddesses who were bowed down with shame for being themselves for being beautiful, clever or wild and free with their love? I couldn't see the Venus of Willendorf being a figure of ridicule for her voluptuousness. For their acts of retribution or revenge?  I struggled, most decent Goddesses worth their salt seemed to have roared their love, their anger or vengeance from the top of the nearest mountain without a shred of self consciousness. Certainly the earlier civilisations seemed to have been oblivious (hurrah!) to the concept of body shaming, slut shaming and all the other toxic restraints that modern society and the media inflicts on itself.

Aidos and Nemesis looking a bit judgy....  

www.theoi.com

I found a Greek Goddess Aidos, goddess of shame, modesty, humility and respect who was also confusingly a concept of shame and was considered a personification of it. She seemed to be more about honourable behaviour than judginess, though interestingly she was a close companion of Nemesis - Goddess of vengeance and retribution and they were definitely more about pointing the finger outwards rather than inward reflection. Hmmm something to ponder upon!

Courtesy of Gloria Steinem/Enlightened Consciousness

I was just considering how to finish and this popped up, it's either serendipity and the work of the Goddess or Big Brother really is watching me. Either way it sums it up for me. Those stories told and retold in safe havens of trust not only start to send the shame and humiliation demons packing in defeat but also help to heal more than just the person telling releasing their burden of shame, but also those who have felt it in the past and those who will feel it in the future.

Have  a Blessed Week x x