2019 - A Year of Change

So 2019 is almost over, not sure where that went! I always find New Year a strange time looking back and looking to the future simultaneously, this year is no different.

It was a year of changes, sadly a huge one as we lost my Husband's wonderful Dad, Ben after a short illness in October, so Solstice / Yule / Christmas was tinged with sadness and poignant reminders with it's missing place at the table and it's  bittersweet  memories, not least of all this cushion I made for himself from Ben's old Bowls Shirt.....

My father in law was hilarious and even at the very end of his illness - the dreaded C Word, he was as mischievous and quick thinking as ever. I spent a lot of time with him, time that became so precious it was almost magical, he knew he was dying, we knew he was dying and you know what he was ok with it, more so than us, we talked about it and even joked about it. One evening when I arrived to visit him, he was dozing and I hadn't realised he had woken until he took my hand, telling me he hadn't long left, I smiled and agreed, he asked the time - it was ten past five, then he asked what time I was heading off, about half past five, I replied, quick as a flash he said "Well I should be ok until then!" with a cheeky grin.... His funeral was a mirth filled celebration of his life, all his friends and family sharing funny stories of a life well lived, just perfect.

Some Homemade Yule Gifts

We celebrated Solstice and Christmas though, plenty of my infamous Gin Infusion recipes made an appearance and gave a few sore heads and I got even more arty farty this year which pleased my inner creative Goddess.

Even the Gents didn't Escape the Glut of Body Butter and Lip Balm..

This year has heralded some other big changes too, I started working as a registrar for weddings which I absolutely love and plan to carry on and expand on my knowledge in 2020 as well as me deciding to quit my other full time job and make a radical change. Scary wasn't the word, terrifying might be! 

Whilst I was sat with Ben one evening he said he was ready to go and he didn't have a single regret about his life, that he'd done what he wanted to do, been where he wanted to go etc and I started wondering would I say the same? The answer quite simply was no, I enjoyed my job but I was stuck in my comfort zone, thinking about what I wanted to do but not doing it, scared to make the leap. That night I went home and meditated on what I really wanted to do, went into work the next day and handed my notice in. I told my father in law who was a bit surprised but encouraged me to do what was right for me. 

I gave myself two months and applied for a temporary part time job at the Winter Churches Homeless Shelter (kind of ironic but hey ho). 

I told Ben I had applied and he was delighted, but sadly he died about an hour before the interview, I held myself together and went anyway. I got it, the very same day. I hope he knows, I'm sure he does. So I am delighted to announce that I am now a part time temporary project worker there! A generous leaving gift from colleagues and service users paid for part of my funeral celebrancy course and it was once again very generously topped up by himself and my parents for Christmas. So that's what I'll be working on  whilst I 'just' work part time in the New Year! Come April when my new job ends (eeeek) I can begin to carve a name for myself in a new role as a Funeral Celebrant and train to be a Soul Doula/Midwife as I have dreamed of. I'll still need to find a part time job to begin with (at the very least) to be my bread and butter money but I've taken that leap. Scary and exciting times! 

Hence my latest vision board for 2020 - if you've never done one, give it a go, let your innermost wishes, dreams and goals run riot! Make a visual representation of it and keep reminding yourself you can do it. You'll be surprised what you can achieve, you really will. The universe has a strange way of having your back too, just this very morning I was gifted an inheritance from my lovely much missed Father in Law Ben, via himself. I'm going to use it to pay for my Soul Midwife course - I think he'd approve x x x 

Have  wonderful New Year and I wish you all the best for 2020 x x x

A Visit From The Ancestors

I've been wanting to knuckle down and write something for ages but life has been even more hectic than usual, with Samhain looming I saw the perfect opportunity to get my act together at last. I dreamt up a ritual at a beautiful local sacred site for my local Pagan circle last weekend and then planned a solo ceremony for Samahin itself,  I really should have known better shouldn't I?  
One day I'll learn, I promise....

As usual the Goddess had other plans, as time ran out for preparing something new for the group ritual, I resigned myself somewhat dejectedly to reusing the one I wrote last year, hoping desperately not to disappoint anyone with such a simple and basic format. As it turned out it was actually just right (of course) and people merrily joined in with their own contributions of poems, songs and words weaving their magic round the bones of my simple ritual and bringing the voices and memories of the ancestors to life at the peaceful and enigmatic longbarrow nestled in the shelter of the North Downs.

The Coldrum Stones

Several new members turned up and we had the joy of meeting a lovely young lady called Katie who had spontaneously driven down from Cambridge just to visit the stones and meditate that day. She was actually delighted to bear witness to our ritual and then play her ukulele and sing us some of her own songs. What a surprise blessing, topped off with a cheeky half pint of cider!

The lesson of simplicity still ringing loud and clear in my ears, my total sum of planning for my solitary Samhain itself (himself was away trucking about in Wales and The West Country this week) was to buy yellow roses and visit the ancestors where they lay a few miles away, have a quiet hour with them.... that was working right up until the day before when I sneezed, and didn't stop. 
Laid low by a stonker of a cold (a mild form of the plague no less I suspect) it became clear that getting dressed wasn't an option, much less leaving the house and traipsing about in a cold and chilly church yard. 

Instead of wafting about in a churchyard scaring the locals, my Samhain was spent wrapped up in my dressing gown, sipping a lemsip, poring over my family tree. Using an incense aptly called Kentish Roots, I recited aloud all my known ancestors by their names, before taking each name in turn and talking to them, recalling cherished memories of those I knew, scrabbling in the darkest depths of my memory to remember their voices, spending time with them and experiencing the utter joy of remembering long forgotten detail of moments with them.
Pausing to scour my memory for all the little details; the cold tiles of the fireplace, the ticking of the mantle clock, the ridged pattern of the settee covers, the rusted hole of the washing line pole, the earthy smell of the veg patch, Grandad's chuckle, banging on the wall for Nanny Next Door at coffee time, listening for her to knock back and scattering cats flying through the cat flap as I rushed in past the old blue 50's dresser....

Those I didn't know personally, I recalled the scant facts about them that I know, a great, great grandmother who died 4 months after her baby was born aged just 21, leaving her aged and widowed mother to rely on parish relief  to care for him, another great grandmother who brought all her younger siblings up when her own mother died young. It was good to spend time with them, seeing and feeling them as real people, not just names on a tree.
Later I spent a long time meditating, watching all the much loved familiar faces coming to mind, faces from photos coming to life, listening out for their wisdom, thinking about what I may have inherited from each individual, what words they may have had for me, a laughing voice rang through my head - ' We've come to see you!'  and you know what? I rather think they did.

Blessed Samhain x x x

Morris, Maypoles and Mischievous Masons

Blessed Beltane to Everyone!

I hope however you marked the great union of the Goddess and The Green Man it was a celebration. As we both had work the following day and to be honest the thought of getting up super early to watch May Day dawn midweek was not a joyous one, ok we were feeling lazy - we had a Beltane Eve fire and a little ritual in our garden, burying offerings for the Goddess and the Green Man along with a list of our personal aims and achievements to come to fruition and planted some mint that I had impulse purchased on the way home whilst looking at fire pits.....  Quite random I thought until I researched and and found that simple garden mint  has the spiritual attributes of inner truth and focus, journeying and your personal path as well as focus and clarity. Pretty apt then, coupled with the fact that it's a prolific grower. Let's hope it liked pizza and cider too!

Beltane Eve Celebrations

You'll be pleased to know that less lazy pagan celebrations were indulged in this weekend when along with a group of lovely Moon Circle ladies, I headed over to Rochester for the annual Sweeps Festival - held every May Bank Holiday weekend. Historically the chimney sweeps, mainly young boys had just one day off a year on May day, resulting in sweeps parades and festivals country wide combining with old May Day customs and traditions such as the Maypole, May Queen and Jack in the Green. The Climbing Boys Act of 1868 finally ended this child labour for children under the age of 14, which meant that in time the Sweeps parades and festivals faded out. This parade was brought back 38 years ago and is still going strong.

Some serious Morris going on...

There were sweeps costumes a plenty, steam punk costumes, hair garlands and pagan folk of all variety - quote of the day was my friend Olwen's "I know that Wizard!" as well as morris dancers galore, who braved the cold temperatures and dark skies in dance-offs throughout the city, their commitment only waning when the hail came when they all scarpered quite wisely to the take cover in some of many pubs!

Zodiac Floor Tiles at the Cathedral's High Altar

As I said it hailed, and then some. We weren't sure if it was actually snow at one point, like the good pagans we are we took refuge in well, the Cathedral (you thought I was going to say pub didn't you?!) There has been a place of worship here since 604 AD and probably a place of pagan worship long before that. The high Altar has a beautiful zodiac tile floor restored in 1870 but they are copies of the medieval ones that were there...

One of the 8 Green Men on a 14th Century Bishop's Tomb

One of our party the amazingly knowledgeable Wolf took us on a wonderful impromptu tour showing us all the little Pagan quirks within the Cathedral, such as the Zodiac tiles, The abundance of foliate Green Men - Jacks in the green, signs of virility and fertility carved into the stone work and also high on the ceiling the wooden roof bosses. It made me smile to think that these traditional symbols were still important  and meaningful to the masons and accepted by the Church - the 14th Century one of many above would surely been removed if it had caused offence? Were they just humouring the old ways and their followers? Maybe still assimilating and merging ideas and faiths... whatever reason I love it! It's worth noting that there were morris dancers performing in the cathedral - one of them wearing a dog collar - how awesome and hopeful is that?

A very modest Sheela-na-gig

Once the hail stopped and we ventured outside another friend showed us this Sheela-na-gig on the main entrance of the Cathedral, sadly like a masonic labiaplasty the lips have been filed away (ouch) and there is no hint of a vulva so it's a more modest and tame version and certainly not as out there and 'cop a look at this!' as some I some I have seen, but one nonetheless complete with an ear of corn signifying fertility and ripeness in pride of place. Again as much as I like the thought of a cheeky mason who follows the Old Ways designing this as a fiesty rebellion, it has obviously been included as a nod to the beliefs and customs of the people. Must have raised a few eyebrows and pulses though!

Dancing The Maypole

After exploring the city walls we came across the Maypole dancing - the ancient mayday fertility ritual and tradition that was first documented* in the UK in the mid 14th century but is believed to pre date this by many centuries. All in all, a fantastic blend of old traditions, cultures and beliefs, topped off with a visit to an amazing crystal shop called I Dig Dinos!  That's enough celebration for me, thank the Goddess it's a bank holiday and I can have a lazy pyjama day today!

Have A Blessed Week x x 

Reference:

*  Hutton, Ronald (1996). The Stations of the Sun: A History of the Ritual Year in Britain.

Links:

http://moonflowersarah.blogspot.com/2014/06/mint-magic-from-mundane-to-mystical.html

https://www.medway.gov.uk/info/200235/sweeps_festival/605/about_sweeps_festival_2019

A Gathering of Women

So, I had planned to write about my latest adventure this month, I was due to start a reiki course with my wonderful friend and old neighbour Di yesterday but she was sadly too poorly so we have had to postpone it until a few weeks time. Get well soon Lovely Lady x x  I was all ready, pre course prep done thanks to a variety of Yule gifts from loved ones, excited, well rested and keen. 

Reiki Ready...

As himself was planning to go out I thought I'd make some alternative plans. Well that wasn't happening: nope, non, nada. Now, by now I've learnt that when life gives you lemons, you freeze them and throw them at your enemies...  no sorry, wrong quote, I meant make lemonade! Watermelon lemonade as it happens that I'd bought to take, so yesterday was spent gently pottering about, organising a few bits and bobs, planning a few future events and mainly relishing the time to do well, basically a whole lot of nothing! 
So this morning drifting awake slowly from my slumber haze, that magical dreamy moment between the worlds of sleep and consciousness, lying snuggled under the duvet, Lola Cat snoozing on (hogging) my pillow, snoring gently, her paws as always lovingly batting me on the nose; I flexed my fingers and thumbs and watched in entranced at my thumb's mundane but intricate and seemingly effortless movements, I realised I didn't know what I was going to write about instead. 

Beautiful Lola Cat - My Feline Shadow

My thumb, wonderful and fascinating as it is, wouldn't really qualify to be the focus of a whole blog. Fear not, as much as my thumb managed to hitch a lift into your world this morning (see what I did there!) the old grey matter managed to fire up the neurons and find a few more ideas for me to wax lyrical about.
So last February I wrote in Spinning In Circles about the  Red Tent, that we had christened the Moon Circle I was starting or birthing for local Pagan Women and promised you an update, well La voila! A year later almost to the day!  I have just re read the article I had written and laughed, I was scared - what were we creating, what if no one came and what if everyone came? I was so nervous that first night waiting for ladies to arrive, candles lit, incense smouldering and soft Goddessy music playing in the background. I'd even begged and borrowed some red drapes to create a suitable ambience!

Setting the Scene

I truly needn't have worried, one year on, we have created a wonder, truly a gift to ourselves. Never has no one come and mercifully neither did everyone ever pile through the door on the same night! As my friend Jenny always said, the right people will be there and that is exactly what happens, there have been 3 of us and there have been 9 of us, from a core group of about a dozen who attend physically and at least another dozen or so who join in and contribute to our online page. It's a fantastic eclectic mix of witchcraft, wicca, druidry, the divine feminine and heathen practices and beliefs. The most beautiful thing about the group is that we have built up such a high level of trust, friendship and free honest conversation. 

A Beautiful Gift That Justina Made For Our Circle 

We meet on the night of the new or dark moon and start as all good gatherings do with a cuppa and a natter, before holding a simple opening circle. Sometimes we drum and sing a song that was brought to us, other times we call in the quarters/elements North, East, South and West - Earth, Air, Fire and Water, the Goddess, The Gods, Spirits of Place and The Ancestors - all dependant on who is there and how people want to do it. Next we have a sharing circle where we are open about how we are feeling and any events that have happened since we last held our space, here where we are vowed to keep everyone's confidences I have felt a deepening trust and bond that is so far unshakable, there are no words of shame or judgement in this circle, no issue is too small, tears, frustrations and anger are welcomed, listened to and honoured, sometimes just witnessed, whatever is needed. Vital in today's 24/7 lifestyle and rat race.

Making Moon Salt

After our sharing circle we  have a discussion such as  juggling stress, our experiences of periods and childbirth, even death planning or talk about a subject, last month we all did some 'homework' and all brought some information about a Goddess of Spring to share which worked really well. 
It's only right that we should break for tea, cake and nibbles at this point, ok so it's an all out feast of whatever everyone has brought! This always results in lively chatter, much hilarity and howls of laughter with himself good naturedly banished to the upper level of the house when it's held at mine, not that I think even he would want to brave the melee round the kitchen table! 

Our Autumn Mandala

After this, we usually have a craft activity, a memorable one being creating our own Moon Salt - which we later found out is slang for Crystal Meth! - popular night that! We blended it as a group adding oils, herbs and then took some home in jars to use as a protective and aromatic salt for our home, not edible I hasten to add! Other creative activities have been drumroll please..... making smudge sticks of course, as well as that, we have also made a beautiful Autumn Mandala for Autumn equinox with leaves, chestnuts, berries etc gleaned from our gardens, created Witch Balls filled with herbs, plants, charms and spells  to protect our homes and loved ones, made Vision Boards to express and capture our hopes, aims and dreams and regularly practising our tarot and oracle card reading on each other. We've been busy!

Beautiful Witch Ball

We've even got a mini retreat booked for next month, when 8 of us are going away for a weekend to do Goddessy Girl Stuff - meditations, crystal therapy, a psychic development circle, singing and drumming, vision boarding and some crafts to name but a few of the activities. To put it mildly, we have blossomed!

This is what we've evolved in our sisterhood, I know other people do different things at different groups, but if you are interested I'd really recommend visiting and joining one or starting your own if that feels right for you! It has definitely highlighted a need amongst our circle and community to nourish ourselves, our souls and our lives, even our families have commented on how much we appear to get out of it.


Ladies have a look at these links if you are interested in finding one: Moon Woman or Red Tent Directory these cover UK, Europe, USA, Canada and Australia
Gents - you can read more about WhiteTent Movement too.
These links also contain information and ideas on how to start one too!

Have A Truly Blessed Week  x x 

Walking With Darkness

Well, guess who's just finally stirred their wintry bones and crawled out from their winter Goddess cave! Hair matted,yawning and  blinking in the light .
There's a bit of a habit forming here isn't there? The same thing happened last year, both unintentionally, but I do feel this year's wintery sabbatical was with more intention and purpose. This winter I have explored my darkness with a degree of relish hitherto unknown. Sounds exotic, dark and mysterious doesn't? Summoning the forces from hell from a witches fire? Dancing naked and muttering unmentionable evils?

New Year's Fire

Hmm, well you know what - I guess in a way, that's what I was doing; Early nights, pyjamas, reading, journalling, meditating, journeying and being creative, but focussing more on my dark self, my fears, my dislikes, my issues, my less positive traits - all very popular at the moment, I'm such a trend setter. Last year I learnt the lesson that sitting with and walking with my darkness was good for me, scary, emotional and at times unpleasant but also rewarding and satisfying. Truly identifying and acknowledging our 'faults and flaws' as we have been  conditioned to perceive them as parts of us to nurture and love, maybe even as  wounds to heal, not with shame and criticism but with understanding and tenderness. Acknowledging honestly that little jealous flash that fires through me whenever someone else achieves something I want to do, listening to what it tells me, sitting with it and unravelling the hot bubbling green mess that hides the root, the fear of running out of time and inspiration to finish my own projects, the fear of failing so paralysing that it prevents me trying at times. So yes, wrestling with demons and indeed muttering unmentionables!

Yule Feast

Mercifully demon wrestling hasn't been my full time occupation over the winter months, Oh no. Much merriment was had throughout the Solstice/Yule period. I was surrounded by friends and family throughout, a beautiful simple Yule feast complete with our ritual of fir cone intentions thrown into the Yule fire, though not as much prosecco was consumed as the year before, which was a bonus the following day.

A side splitting day of laughter on 'family day' with all the extended family, the highlights of witch included my Dad dressed as Father Christmas dishing out the family Secret Santa presents from the massive Santa's Sack I concocted from an old brown curtain, yes we giggled like teenagers at that too!  
It reminded me of a children's Christmas  party at Dad's work when we were both just still at junior school, my brother and I stood in line waiting for Santa who was late, we had picked up that there was some sort of hoo har going on. As we stood there it was with a shocked horror that we realised that we recognised the way Santa was walking and 'Ho Ho Ho -ing' at us all. Yep Dad had stepped in at the last moment, we managed to hiss 'It's Dad!' too each other before we collapsed laughing! 

Himself's Runes

As I had promised myself, I made all my presents this year, which involved many late evenings humming and muttering to myself making up presents for everyone. This doesn't sound especially dark and it certainly wasn't an awful labour of love, but it did involve putting my trust in myself and my skills that I could take this challenge on and that my offerings would be good enough to gift to people. 
Undeterred, I set out with a long list of ideas and closeted myself away trusting myself and my moderate skills making soaps, bath milk, bath bombs, candles, sugar scrubs, wines, liqueurs, meat rubs, pickles, chutneys,salts, beard oil, bottle lights, mason jar lamps, even a set of runes complete with a homemade pouch for them for himself. 
Even as I gave them out I was waiting with baited breath as they were opened. I really need not have worried. There were genuine gasps aplenty from everyone accompanied with 'you MADE this?'

Another offering...

Claire and trusting instincts one; 
negative nagging thoughts and doubts zero.
I'd thought about doing this for several years but I kept changing my mind. Just goes to show what negativity we can impose on ourselves without realising our actions, that darkness can weave into the smallest of spaces, but I found working with it, sitting with it and showing it love works wonders. 
Start small and build up. After years of being non musical, I impulse bought myself a tin whistle, Ok so far my greatest achievement is 'let it go' from Frozen - I'm essentially a 47 year old kid with a recorder, think of my poor husband, but rather than being musically challenged, I shall soon be like the pied piper of the tin whistle as i venture out and roam the land, enticing even more cats back to the cottage -  Now there's a thought!

As always the darkness is followed by the light, I caught this beautiful sunrise in the mist and frost this week, I feel the fires of Brigid and Imbolc draw nearer, Goddess and her lands are  slowly stretching, flexing and starting to weave their spring magic. Time for me too to stir and walk from the winter darkness into the spring and to the light.

Have a A Blessed Week x x