Dreaming Of A Better Year..

Well that was a long break....

To be fair it was a blooming long and difficult year last year! I'm sure it was for many people.

Last time I wrote my blog I was recovering from my operation in February, so just to bring you all up to date, they found some nasty cancer cells (boo, hiss!) so I needed 3 months of chemotherapy in the early summer - but still managed to make Summer Solstice camp of course (and boy was I looked after by my beloved Pagan Family!) and of course our Maidstone Pagans Camp as well as all the online stuff...

Solstice Camp

As you know, I believe in many different types of healing and bounced out of both previous operations earlier last year like nothing had happened and I put it down to all the love, support, healing and prayers being sent to me. So when in November, I had my third and (hopefully last) operation I was pretty much expecting the same. However this time, despite all the prayers, healing and reiki that were coming my way, this one was a lot harder on me. Instead of getting up and walking about I could barely get out of bed let alone stand I found it odd that I was so poorly, thinking how weird it was that they hadn't worked this time.   

Oh, she of little faith!

I had some really rough days in there, I actually had post op pneumonia and acute kidney injury following the stent removal from them, which had been put in place to protect them during my 5 hour op, and had a temporary mini kidney failure and was pretty much one step away from sepsis. Somehow, I managed to fight it all off!

Rocking The Nebuliser..

I literally spent 4 days absolutely off my head on drugs; hearing voices,  whisperings, and generally hallucinating, seeing faces and seeing words write on walls and talking to someone called Donna - I don't even know anyone called Donna! So I was  blaming the morphine for that, I finally came home after a week, feeling a bit, well let down if I am honest, why all that lovely healing hadn't all 'worked', I mean I was home but it had been really rough. Had I done something wrong?

So 6 o'clock in the morning  following my first night home I awoke from my beautiful dream...

In it, I was at huge train station and there were loads of bedraggled looking grey passengers, dragging luggage and looking ill, but there were also a whole range of calm beautiful smiling passengers all in colour and beautifully dressed just watching, just waiting.  

Photo Courtesy of London Bodyguards

I was one of the grey ones, as I roamed round not knowing what was going on am, I am aware that someone is looking at me. I looked up and saw it was my lovely friend Sharon, who we sadly lost in September, in full glorious technicolour with her beautiful cheeky smile and I heard her say Hel-Lo! - in her voice, in her own special way. 

Me, Mark and Our Lovely Sharon In Happier Times...

She was sitting at a beautiful café in an old Italian style stone street, 2 hot chocolates on the table and she patted the chair next to her for me to sit next to her. I was crying and hugging her and she told me it was her turn to sit me for a bit now it was calmer. She told me that I'd had 'them' all worried  and 'they' had all been whirling around me all the time I was ill and I'd given her a right fright. She was as beautiful, well, happy and as amazingly Sharon like as I've ever seen her. 

Original Poster Unknown - Happy To Credit!

We chatted for a while and then she said it was time to go and although I didn't want to leave her, I waved her off as she said she other people to visit. Her parting words to me were: "Love You So Many!" - the ones which she always signed her texts off with. That still smarts writing that in the past tense...

As you can imagine I awoke in tears but feeling completely blissful and safe in the knowledge that of course all the prayers and healing had been heard by my Goddess, I was being healed and loved, they'd just been doing their purpose at a much deeper level than my brain had been able to comprehend. Those whispered and floating words I'd seen - were they the prayers, spells and healing weaving their way around me?  It reminded me of the poem Footprints in the Sand by Carolyn Joyce Carty which I decided to amend as below:

One dark night I had a dream. I dreamed that

I was walking along the beach with my Goddess

Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.

In every scene I noticed two sets of

Footprints in the sand: one belonging

To Me, and the other to the Goddess 

As She walked beside me.

When the last scenes of my life flashed before me,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

And I noticed that many times along the path of

My life there were only one set of footprints.

I noticed that it happened at the very

Lowest and saddest and most difficult times of my life.

This really surprised and bothered me my heart,

And I asked Goddess about it:

"Goddess, I thought that I was your beloved daughter

And when I followed your path,

That you would walk beside me,

That you would walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most

Troublesome times in my life,

There is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when

I needed you most you would leave me to fend for myself "

And the Goddess replied:

"My precious Daughter of Earth,

My precious Child

I heard every prayer and cry for help

I love you and never let you walk alone. 

During your dark days, your pain, your fear

And your hopelessness

When you see only one set of footprints,

It was then that as your Mother,

I carried you safely in my arms."

So that was me told! Oh and I looked up Saint Donna, trying to work out who I was talking to, even the nurses had commented on it - I thought perhaps their was a Saint Donna, Patron Saint of wayward and bemused Goddess girls, or something similar. I suppose in a fashion there is, Donna of course is from the Italian for Lady, Our Lady, now is that Madonna, Our Mother - Mary Mother of Jesus or the Goddess? Or are they one and the same? 

Have A Blessed Week x x x