Sitting With Myself

Cow Parsley From My Nature Photo Challenge
So, I was rather happily having one of those quiet Goddessing weeks, just pootling along with my camera, happily and quietly muttering away to myself, staring thoughtfully into the local countryside looking either fey or deranged - dependant on your own personal opinion, which suited me just fine. Over the last few week I have been floating around on a serene cloud of love for all around me. I was planning on blogging about the nature photos I had taken as part of a week long facebook challenge by a friend, nice and easy. Nope, should have known, Goddess had other ideas for me and the chilled lazy next few days I had planned.
Stunning Windows
- Reminded me of Corn
Cue a frantic phone call from my daughter on Thursday afternoon to tell me she'd missed the last train to get her to college in time for her final and graded drama performance.... quick mental calculations about possible options resulted in a formula one style drive across what felt like half of Kent, full of raging warrior mother energy as well as plenty of loud and fiery hormonal induced teenage squawking and pre-menopausal stressed shrieks from both parties, followed by a silent terse last part of the journey. Joy. 
We got there with a minute to spare. As there was no time go home and I didn't feel like doing another 25 miles just for the fun of it, I hauled my huffing and puffing grumpiness off to the nearest library and sulkily chose the nearest book I could find that appealed. It just happened to be Labyrinth by Kate Mosse - before carting myself to sit by a pretty village church just outside of Tonbridge to read it.
Witchy Clouds

Tudeley Church as well as being the nearest village is also a place of ancestral interest to our family, who shouted Mother line at me? 
Book in hand, I wandered through the churchyard, amused to see a collection of clouds that looked like a witch on her broomstick to me and was delighted to find the Church itself open. 
Still huffing and puffing and decidedly stressed,  I let myself in and explored it's simple and beautiful interior, complete with it's amazing stained glass windows, the work of artist Marc Chagall, commissioned as a memorial. Sitting in the dreamy light and atmosphere of the windows was like being underwater and put me in mind of the book Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys. Soothed, I sat back and felt the emotions of centuries of hopes, dreams, tears - happiness
Churchyard Labyrinth
and sadness that have worn the stone floor down; some by my own ancestors wash over me, until I returned to my pre phone call state of love and wonder. One stunning window in particular made 
me think of the flourishing corn fields growing near to home and of Ker, how little symbols where literally everywhere, which left me pondering quite how religion dominated by men overtook the spirituality that had pre-dated it-had feminine spirituality dominated or had there been an ancient equality between the sexes of all the deities in the past?  
Heading outside, I made myself comfy on a bench and opened my book to read. Barely a few pages in, I was aware of a persistent bird call round behind the church and not for the first time felt I wasn't entirely alone. Curiosity got the better of me and I walked round the back of the building to find this simple labyrinth cut into the grass. I had to walk round it of course, even if the sign said it was designed as a project for children! Spinning round it, (that had to be
A Corn Field - What a Surprise!
done too didn't it?) I stopped opposite a grave that bore an old family name on my Mum's side, hmm not just a coincidence! 

That and the fact that when I walked through the grave yard path and beyond I found myself standing in a corn field  of all things, where I sat on the track and spent a long time watching the gravity defying swooping acrobatics of some magnificent swallows who seemed totally unconcerned by my presence as they flew in and out of the growing corn.
So with Raging Warrior calmed and Wild Woman understood and appeased I found I was actually grateful for the anger and stress that had sent me off to find some peace and solitude, acknowledging it, sitting with it  and honouring it had led me to a place of peace rather than letting it fester away and brew
A Bit of Tranquillity
for another occasion, rather than 'allowing' it room and head space - how silly that seems when you look at it like that! Like damming a volcano! I was back in benevolent Earth Mother mode  and headed off to watch Sophie's show, which she was absolutely fantastic in, despite sudden massive technical problems, hitches, the fire alarm going off and everyone standing in the car park for 45 minutes, yes really!

Good job I had take the time to deal with my anger or I may well just have actually spontaneously combusted with frustration in West Kent College Car park!
Got me thinking though, I know I don't like to accept stress and anger as a part of me and try to push it down and deny it, which to be honest just makes it worse. I think we all do. Interesting that acknowledging and working with a bit of a blow up as opposed to ignoring it, led me to all my favourite things and found me a healthy way to deal with it fully. 

Have A Blessed and Not Too Combustible Week x x


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